Amber Rylan Rivers is the singer and co-songwriter of the husband and wife music duo, Rylan Rivers. She is also a published poet and painter, blogger, and fiction writer. At the heart of all her work is her love for Jesus and sharing His light with others.

There is so much pressure

It’s killing my pleasure

What is this life?

Why is it all about the treasure?

 

I keep biting my tongue

I keep sealing my lips

And clutching my fists

Why must it be like this?

 

They make it hard to be good

Selfless and honest

It’s hard to be good

Simple and modest

 

This world eats me up

And it spits me out

It steps on me

Then it bleeds me out

 

Everybody’s watching:

“What’s she doing now?

Is she living for herself?

Does she really care at all?

I don’t think she cares at all”

 

“Lead them by example,”

That’s what my Father said,

Even though they’ll trample

On everything you’ve read.

 

Their words cannot hurt you

Not in your Father’s arms

Their hatred cannot scar you

He will keep you safe from harm

 

Everybody’s watching…

Lord, help me be like You

Don’t wanna be like them

Don’t care if I don’t fit in

I need to be like You

I recently read and watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and I can’t get it out of my head because the main character, Charlie, opened my eyes so much. He made me realize that I am a wallflower. I’d never thought of it that way before; I’d called myself shy and an outcast. But after reading that book, I’ve realized there is more to it than that. Sure, I am shy and sure, I’m probably an outcast, but I’m completely a wallflower.

You see, I live everyday watching the world around me. Smiling at people and enjoying conversations that I’m welcomed into, though I don’t usually say much unless I’m extremely comfortable with my company. I don’t go out and do much because I feel like I’d just be a bother to the world if I went anywhere. I don’t offer my opinions because I don’t want to offend anyone. I don’t tell people when they hurt me, because I don’t want to upset them, no matter what it is they’ve done to me. I let people push me around and take advantage of my work ethic and genuine care for the people around me.

All of this just accumulates to equal someone who is not living their life. I’m just hanging here, witnessing other people’s lives, pondering and daydreaming but never actually experiencing much. It’s sort of bothersome to think about, to be honest, though I am not writing this to whine at the world about being “mistreated” or having “no life,” because really, my goal here is to see if Charlie and I are alone in this. Are there more wallflowers out there? Because if you are there, please, take the initiative to do as I am vowing to attempt, LIVE YOUR LIFE. Don’t watch it pass you by. Make goals. Go out. You are a human being not a nuisance. You can care about people and help them without letting them walk all over you. You are not a doormat. Don’t let people wipe their mud on you. Putting others before you is a sign of good virtue, but don’t wear yourself so thin you can’t handle it. 

So basically, don’t be me. Don’t be Charlie. Yes, there are perks to being a wallflower. You learn a lot about people and probably have a greater understanding of different perspectives than most people, but what good is it serving you if you aren’t really alive? You’ve probably studied and contemplated enough to last a lifetime anyway. Take your knowledge and run with it. Get out of your mind and into your heart. 

 

I am the flame that flickers when you pass by

I’m calm

I’m quiet

And I can tell when you lie

 

I burn myself to light up for you

Your friends

Your foes

And all of mine too.

 

I’ll keep you warm,

I’ll keep you safe,

I’ll shine the way,

In night or day.

 

But you,

My dear,

Are one of those types

That pick and prod

And have no fear

Of getting burned

Or scorched or scarred

You test this flame

And disregard

All the damage

That I can claim

 

You play with fire

With a smile on your face

And I dance away

From the chance of your embrace

 

You must come to learn

That timing is everything

I can be held,

If you can handle the burn.

 

And I’ll do what I can

To protect you from me

And all I will ask

Is a great wide sea

 

Take me as I am,

I’ll do the same for you,

Because you are the air,

And my smoke can consume you,

But one tiny breath from your lips

Can put me out

And one tiny moment without you

Can kill me

Ever have so many thoughts rolling around that it feels like someone just knocked over a 50 pound bag of marbles in your head? Because that’s what most of my days feel like, and thus I’ve decided to write about it. 

First know that I do have a personal journal, and this will probably reflect it, except, instead of everything sounding like, “Whaaat do I do with my life?! ALL OF THIS HAPPENED TODAY. I should do this… but…” I intend to actually answer some of my questions to myself, in hopes of helping other people figure out their own thoughts.

Also know, most of this will be opinions and reflections. You are welcome to ponder with me or to run as far from me as you can. I won’t take offense. Not really.

Lastly, I write as much as I have to to get my point across. Some posts will be long, others very short. Either way, if this sounds interesting to you at all, please stick around. If not, again, run very far away. Go now.